The Tale of Two Cities

Do you ever wonder why 2 people can have such different perspectives about the same situation?  What makes one person see all the good and positive, while the other person only seems to be able focus on the negative and the bad?  What causes this difference? 

Zen teacher, Cheri Huber has a wonderful saying that goes, “The quality of your life is determined by the focus of your attention. 

That means if we focus our attention on all the things that are wrong, then that is all we are going to see; and we will come to believe that world is a bad, dangerous and ugly place in which to live.  Once we have that belief we will continue to find bad things to validate our story. 

On the other hand, if we focus our attention on the good things, the things that are working, our perspective of the world will be entirely different.  We will see it as a friendly and beautiful place and we will focus our attention on finding more good and beautiful things to validate our belief.

Where do you want to focus your attention?

 

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The Tale of Two Cities:

A man was walking down a long and dusty road. He had been travelling for days.
He came across an old women sitting near the side of the road just outside of an upcoming town.
He asked her "What is the city ahead like? Are the people there nice?"

The old women asked "what was it like where you came from?"
He said "It was beautiful and clean and the people were great"
"So shall you find the city ahead." the old woman responded.
Happily the traveler went along.

Awhile later another lone traveler on the same road approached the same woman and asked her, "What is the city ahead like? Are the people there nice?"
The old women asked "What was it like where you came from?"
"It was despicable, dirty and ugly and the people where horrid!" exclaimed the traveler.
"So shall you find the city ahead." the old woman responded.

Stepping Into Your Courage

One of the most common statements I hear is, “I really want to do X, but I just don’t feel like I have the ability, time, resources or the right to spend time doing it.  To me, the words, ability, time, right and resources are just code words for fear.   When we want to do something that’s a little scary or out of the ordinary we come up with all sorts of excuses to mask our fear.  Our fear can stem from trying something new, from the possibility of disappointing someone, from taking too much time for ourselves or from the realization that we may not be successful.  We talk ourselves out of doing what we want because we aren’t sure how to deal with the fear.

The antidote to fear is courage.  I am not talking about heroic, pull someone from a burning building kind of courage.  I am talking about a more quiet kind of courage.   I believe that everyone has all the courage they need to do whatever they want to do residing inside them.  The trick is to connect with that courage, to become aware of where it resides in you and how to tap into its strength.   Courage doesn’t necessarily make the fear go away, but it does allow us to move forward with our life and do the things that are important to us.

Is there something you want to do, but find yourself having trouble taking that first step?  If so, here is an exercise you can try to help connect and build your courage.  These are relatively simple tasks, but I think at least some of them will elicit some fear.

1.    Take a new route to work.  

2.    Listen to a different kind of music.

3.    Wear something that is completely counter to your normal dress style.

4.    Talk to a stranger on the street or bus.

5.    Eat out/or cook a ethnic meal that you have not tried before.

As you do this exercise pay attention to what kicks up for you. 

1.    What are the voices telling you? (This is dumb, I don’t have time, This is too easy, etc)

2.    What is happening inside you both physically/psychologically? (Do you feel fear?)

3.    Did you complete the task?

4.    If so, how did you feel?

5.    If not, what got in your way?

Each time we step out and do something that pushes our comfort level, we become more confident in ourselves.  Our courage grows and we are not as handcuffed by fear.  We see how fear works and once that happens, fear loses a lot of it power.  When that happens we get our life back.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror.  I can take the next thing that comes along.’  You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

Eleanor Roosevelt

And Then.......?

I read this story a long time ago and just came across it again a few days ago.  It’s a wonderfully ironic example of how hard we think we need to work to make ensure that we end up with a simple and relaxing life.  I hope you enjoy it.

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A boat docked in a tina Mexican village.  An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American,

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children and take a siesta with my wife.  In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar and sing a few songs,  I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have a MBA from Harvard and I can help you!  You should start by fishing longer every day.  You can the sell the extra fish you catch.  With the extra revenue you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"With the extra money the larger boat with bring in, you can but a second and a third boat and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.  Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.  You can leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles or even New York City!  From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?' asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty five years" replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards?  Well, my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the American laughing.  "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!

"Millions?  Really?  And after that?" said the Mexican.

"After that you will be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish. take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

Slow down and enjoy life.  It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why. – Eddie Cantor

Are You Ready to Jump into Life?

I have talked with several people this week who are feeling stuck in their lives.  They can describe what it is they want to do, but they can’t seem to take that first step toward their dreams.  It seems like the older we get the more difficult it is for us to jump into our dreams. What is it about leaving the safety of our known world that is so hard for us?

As adults, we have spent many years developing a specific set of skills. Whether we are a lawyer, teacher, accountant, or parent, we have worked hard to gain the expertise needed to succeed in the world; and for the most part, we feel safe and secure in what we do.  Our world is a known entity and it is comfortable. Yet, sometimes it's actually having too much of this comfort that creates feelings of restlessness and disinterest in us.  It is then that we start looking around for something new to do or try.

We create visions of changing jobs, starting a new hobby, pursuing a life-long dream, etc.  We become excited and the possibilities seem endless.  Then reality sets in.  As appealing as embarking on a new adventure might be, the prospect of being a beginner and stepping into uncharted waters without knowing exactly what will happen stops many of us dead in our tracks.

We find ourselves feeling scared and uncertain and we retreat to the safety of our known world.  However, we then may begin to feel discouraged or angry at ourselves for not being able to make the leap, and that just compounds our feelings of uncertainty and frustration.  We begin to feel boxed in and we don't see any obvious way out.

So, how does one break out of this vicious circle?  One way is to get in touch with the feelings of power and invincibility that you had as a child.  Go to a playground or park and watch the children play.  Notice how they are always trying to do new and harder things. Notice how they dare each other to go higher and faster.  The world is totally full of possibilities to them.  They see no boundaries and they have little fear.

Think about all the crazy things you did as a child and all the dreams you had for your life.  Get reacquainted with that energy.  Then ask yourself, "What is really stopping me now?  Where is my fear coming from?"  Listen carefully to your answers, and take some time to address the issues that come up.  Then think about ways to integrate all the energy, enthusiasm, and passion of your little kid with the resources and skills of your successful adult.  This incredible combination will allow you to achieve almost anything.

Remember to start your journey with small steps.  Often times we jump into the deep end way too soon and our ultimate fears of not succeeding become a reality.  Step off the lowest edge first.  Allow yourself time to get used to the new experience.  Become aware of your feelings, both the joy and excitement and the fear and the uneasiness associated with being in a new space.  Use your support system to encourage and inspire you when you are feeling shaky, and make sure they are there to help you celebrate your successes.

With each step you take you will push your edge further out.  Your world will become larger and more exciting.  You will have new experiences, meet new people, and learn new things about yourself.  The world, which at one time had felt so confining, will now be filled with unlimited possibilities of adventure and opportunity.  You will have a renewed sense of passion and enthusiasm for your life. You will be living the life you truly want to live.  All you need is just need enough faith in yourself and the process to take that first step.  You can do it!

 

Come to the edge.   No, we will fall

Come to the edge.  No, we will fall.
They came to the edge.  He pushed them, and they flew.    Guillaume Apollinaire

Procrastination and the Frog

Procrastination is a big problem for many of us.  We make a to-do list and we manage to complete a few tasks on the list; but more often than not, the difficult and unpleasant tasks never quite get done.  We just keep moving them from list to list until we get bored with looking at them and drop them off the list altogether.

Mark Twain once said that if the first thing you do each morning is to eat a live frog, then it’s safe to bet that nothing worse can happen to you for the rest of the day.  What does this have to do with procrastination?  Well, if we think of the hardest item on our to-do list as the frog and we tackle it first, then the rest of our to-do’s should be a breeze.  Right?

 

I actually tested this theory out yesterday.  I had a very unpleasant task to do which I had been putting off for a week.  So, yesterday morning instead of seeing the words of the task, I envisioned a big, ugly frog staring back at me which did two things.  First and most importantly, it made me laugh; and secondly it lifted the sense of dread of doing this task.  I picked up the phone, made the call and with a great feeling of accomplishment and great flourish I “x’ed” the item off my list. .

 

Being able to cross off that difficult task was very energizing.  I felt great and was motivated to keep moving forward through my to-do list.  I no longer had to end my work day with that one item still niggling at my mind, distracting me and making me feel less than successful.

 

I encourage you to try the frog trick and see if it works for you. 

Putting off an easy thing makes it hard.  Putting off a hard thing makes it impossible. 

George Claude Lorimer

 

What If?

What if you knew
that everything was going to be okay,
that something was in motion
beyond your field of vision,
beyond even the periphery
of you knowing?

What if you knew
that everything you want,
everything you've been seeking,
trying to figure out, missing,
is right here, already whole
in your hands, in your life?

What if taking in what is
could satisfy your longing?
What if you could rest your frantic, racing, busy mind
and rest your neglected, tired body,
put your head down in someone's lap
to have you hair stroked,
like a cat, or a child?

What if you didn't need to understand
how it works,
but could enjoy the magic
of how love shows itself
in the most unexpected, simplest of gestures?
What if everything is just as it should be?

What if nothing had to be better,
bigger, different or other?
What would you do then?
Who would you be?
                   Jena Strong