Practice Makes Perfect: What Are You Perfecting?

Practice makes perfect.  How many times have you heard that phrase in your life? From the time we were small children trying to learn how to play the piano, throw a baseball, or ride a bicycle we have heard that if we practice long enough and hard enough we will be successful at achieving our goal.

I remember when I was about 5 years old trying to learn how to stand on my head.  I would practice for hours until one day, to the horror of my mother, I mastered the feat while she was shopping in very upscale women’s clothing store. When she came out of the dressing room, there I was in the middle of the store standing on my head with dress hanging down, my legs were straight in the air and my Carter’s underwear in plain sight for everyone to see.  Although my mother was less than thrilled at my achievement, I had proven to myself that practice actually does pay off.

My success with standing on my head is an example of very conscious and intentional practicing.  It is the kind of practice that we put forth when we want to master a specific skill or behavior.  We have a goal, we know what the end point to looks like, and we work hard to achieve that objective. 

Yet, each of us has a whole other set of skills and behaviors that we have perfected that we may not be totally aware of.  These are habits and actions that, through unconscious repetition, have become ingrained in our way of being.  For example, one of my habits is to automatically say “no” to new ideas unless they are mine.  It is an automatic response that, until recently, I practiced almost daily without being aware I was doing it. 

It’s what I call unconscious practicing.  I was repeating, thus practicing, a behavior which was making that behavior stronger; yet, there was no real intention on my part to do this.  However, through my continuous practicing I got pretty close to perfecting the “no” response which obviously is a very annoying and useless skill to perfect.

What unconscious habits and behaviors are you perfecting?  Do you sabotage yourself by procrastinating?  Do you keep yourself overly busy in order to avoid issues in your life?  Or do you make a lot of great plans and then come up with a thousand reasons why you can’t do any of them? 

We all have thoughts and behaviors that sabotage how we truly would like to live our lives.  The key is to become aware of what they are so that we can start putting our energy towards dismantling them, not feeding them.   Practice, in of itself, will make anything stronger.  So, we have to add the component of conscious awareness to ensure that we are focused on perfecting the things in our lives that we want to perfect, instead of perfecting useless and sabotaging behaviors.

The last time that you failed, did you stop trying because you failed - - or did you fail because you stopped trying?  Unknown

 

 

Be The Change You Want to Be

The following words are said to be written on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in the crypts of Westminster Abbey in London, England.  They are a great reminder to all of us that the only person we need work on changing is ourselves.  If we are the kind, compassionate and contributing human being we are seeking in others, the world will automatically be a better place. 

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When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.

But, it too, seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.

And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family.

From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world.

 

"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be."  – Thomas Kempis

Setting Intentions, Getting Results

How many times have you come away from a meeting or a conversation thinking, “That didn’t go very well”?  Maybe you didn’t get your point across as well as you would have liked.  Maybe you lost your cool and got off track trying to prove your side of the argument.  Or maybe you just zoned out and didn’t participate in the discussion at all.  

You can go into an interaction with the highest of hopes; but unless you set specific intentions about how you are going to interact and what specific goals you want to achieve, chances are the outcome will not be all that satisfactory.

What does it mean to set an intention?  The first thing to understand about intentions is that they are about you, not the other person.  We only have control over ourselves, so our intentions need to be about how we want to act, about what we want to say and about how we want to feel at the end of the interaction. 

Here are some sample intentions you might set before going into a meeting with a difficult person:

§  I will state my point clearly using “I” statements and not get sidetracked by any emotions that may arise.

§  I will listen to the other person carefully to hear what they are truly saying, not what I think they will say.

§  When I feel myself losing my focus, I will take 3 deep breaths to calm and re-center me.

§  After the meeting, I will not spend time going over everything that I should have and could have said.

Setting intentions does not guarantee success, but the process of clarifying what you want to get out of the situation greatly improves your changes of a positive interaction.  It also empowers you.  You are no longer reacting to the situation. 

 

You are now proactively responding from a place of confidence.  You are better able to articulate what you want to say because you have let go of your expectations of the other people involved; and you are better at listening and hearing what they have to say because you not spending time planning your next defensive move.  You are no longer there to defend yourself.  You are now there to be yourself.

Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.  Mary Anne Radmacher